Caregiver Profile: Helping Your Family Cope with Change After Your Parents Move In

Caregiver in The Woodlands TX

Rose was never one to rely on anyone else and always prided herself as being the matriarch of her family.Caregiver in The Woodlands TX As she got older, however, she began experiencing some minor cognitive challenges, mobility issues, and health concerns that made it more difficult for her to take care of herself and her husband on a daily basis. When Bill died after 45 years of marriage, it was clear to their daughter Emily that Rose was simply not going to be able to continue living alone in the house she had shared with her husband. Her physical and cognitive limitations had become such that it was unsafe for her to live independently and the thought of having a 24 hour in home care provider did not make sense to them as a family. Instead, the decision was made that Rose would move in with Emily, her husband John, and their three children. This would allow Emily to provide primary care and they could hire a home care provider for supplemental care as needed.

While Rose went along with the move, it quickly became obvious that the transition was going to be more difficult than Emily had expected. Moving her mother into the home required that her children give up their reading room so that she had a place to sleep. This upset the children, who felt like they had no say in the changes happening in the home. The conflicts with the children continued when Rose began scolding them for their behavior and even tried to punish their oldest son Luke by sending him to his room and telling him he could not go out that night. Emily tried to include her mother in their family traditions such as game night, but Rose resisted, insisting on changing the game or telling them to be quiet so she could relax. At dinner she complained about how Emily prepared certain dishes and chastised her for not teaching the children better table manners.

Soon Emily was wondering if she had made the right decision bringing her mother to live with her. They had enjoyed a close relationship her entire life but now she was feeling alienated from her and resentful for the way she was treating her mother. After talking with John and the children, however, she realized that the problems were not with her mother, who was, in truth, acting essentially how she always had, but with the fact that she was acting that way in the context of Emily’s home. Rather than seeing her mother as a strong woman who had raised her children to be polite and in control of themselves, was a fabulous cook, and kept a cozy and inviting home, Emily was seeing her as domineering and overly critical.

Emily sat down with Rose to tell her how she was feeling. She pointed out that she ran her home in the way that was right for her and raised her children the way she saw fit, respectfully asking that Rose not intrude on these decisions. She made it clear that any form of disciplining the children was to be left to her and John, and that they would continue to enjoy their weekly game night together as a family, but that Rose did not have to be a part of it. She recommended that Rose prepare her own meals if she did not like the way Emily cooked and that she spend more time in her room if the children playing bothered her. Though it was hard for her to step down from her matriarchal role, Rose appreciated that Emily took the time to talk through these issues with her and soon the family was living much more comfortably together.

Having an elderly loved one move in with your parents can be extremely stressful for everyone involved. Your family is used to the way you do things and your aging parent is used to the way she does them. Trying to maintain all of these traditions and approaches is simply not possible so compromise is essential. When you make the decision to transition your loved one into your home, be sure to pay attention to the needs of everyone in the household. Give each time to express how they feel about the situation and do what you can to ease the difficulty so the transition is smoother and your family can focus on creating memories and enjoying this time together. Remember that maintaining your immediate family as a unit is essential and that you should not treat the elderly parent as a guest. Rather, you should ease her into the home and make her a part of the unit while still maintaining your traditions and lifestyle as much as possible.

If you or an aging loved one are in need of caregiver services in The Woodlands, TX, please call the staff at New Frontier Home Care. We are available to answer your senior care questions! Call Today at (832) 664-7394. Providing care in Houston, River Oaks, The Heights, Memorial, Katy, Kingwood, Spring, Pearland, The Woodlands, Sugar Land & League City.

Gary Williams

Director of Marketing at New Frontier Home Care
Gary’s father suffered from transverse myelitis, which is a rare inflammatory disease causing injury to the spinal cord & caused him to be wheelchair bound until he passed in 2011. After spending years helping care for his father, Gary became determined to get involved in the healthcare industry with the goal of providing care to those in need, in the comfort of their own homes.
Gary completed his Bachelor’s Degree in Business Management on a full-ride scholarship at North Dakota State University. He returned back to his hometown of Houston & joined the Houston Police Department, putting his life on the line to keep others safe. Currently Gary stays involved with the police force through monthly volunteer work, but his main priority is New Frontier Home Care, where he serves as Marketing Director.
Gary is a Verified Google Author

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About the author: Gary Williams

Gary’s father suffered from transverse myelitis, which is a rare inflammatory disease causing injury to the spinal cord & caused him to be wheelchair bound until he passed in 2011. After spending years helping care for his father, Gary became determined to get involved in the healthcare industry with the goal of providing care to those in need, in the comfort of their own homes.
Gary completed his Bachelor’s Degree in Business Management on a full-ride scholarship at North Dakota State University. He returned back to his hometown of Houston & joined the Houston Police Department, putting his life on the line to keep others safe. Currently Gary stays involved with the police force through monthly volunteer work, but his main priority is New Frontier Home Care, where he serves as Marketing Director.
Gary is a Verified Google Author